Crossing Bridges

Time is flying by! Moving forward faster than I can blink, but my hope and excitement for this year are growing. I finish college this year, though I have spent the majority of last three months worrying about what the next step is, I feel more at peace now! I do not know what the next step is. What I do know is who I am! Therefore I know that though there are things which I have been pursuing career wise, they are not the things for me, they are only stepping stones.

The job I am going to do, it does not exist. Because there is no company that I know of at the moment which does what I want to do. I want to travel, and see the world. Be creative and have fun! I want my life to be diverse as could be, where I can enjoy my job so much that I would not see it as a job. Where I have full freedom and I am not put into a box. I want to work freelance! I think my latest visit to a theatre company made me realise that. I do not mind working for such an amazing renown company for a little bit, but I need freedom and diversity. I want to work only 4 days a week, because this whole 5 days 9-5 thing is shit! Especially for a Christian, Sunday our “day off” is not a day off at all. It is extremely busy with church, serving and people.

Confident that I need to be my own boss and collaborate with people, brings me such peace. I also do not worry anymore about where I will be or what I will do. I know the plans my Father has for me, therefore I do not worry about it. He will take me there His own way. All I can do is live out of that truth! I am a world changer!


Loud Voice

I have so many people tell me that I have a voice which needs to be heard. That my voice is loud and powerful even if it is not what I have been walking in at the moment. Since I am not sure how to make this happen I thought the best place is to start here. To speak my mind and bring things forth which are on my heart. Therefore this will now be my platform for a voice which needs to be heard. I might not be using my voice physically for this exercise but at least I am practicing for when I will have opportunities to speak out loud what is in my heart. Trust me I do not lack opinions! What I need to figure out first is what is it that I want to say? How do I say it so the message is heard? Does this mean that I should actually tell people about this blog?

I find it really weird that I am writing a blog because though I love reading, something really needs to catch my eye for me to read it. Especially since my unfollowing spree meant that Facebook is just trying to fill my newsfeed with tons of articles, though they are off sometimes, a lot of articles do spark my interest just not enough for me to read the whole thing. Therefore writing a blog, is really ironic, so far I have never read one.

Time to stop being passive!

The title says it all! I have been pondering on life a lot recently. My time in education is slowly running to its end, which could not come soon enough! Due to that terrifying yet hopeful end, I have been planing, or attempting to anyway, what I will do with my life. This lead to few very upsetting, unsettling months as I realised that actually I have no idea who I am anymore or where I am going. I am sure, you know that water needs to flow to be life giving, stagnant water becomes hazardous to the environment. Well it is the same with us. We need to keep moving, we need a vision, an aim, a goal. Otherwise we loose track of who we are, what we love, and what makes us tick.

Well I have lost track of who I am during my course. Studying theatre costume to a lot of people seems like a hobby, and yes it is something I love and enjoy yet the amount of work which is necessary is mind boggling. My education has taken over my life, I attempted to keep my social engagements and other things going, yet it was a hefty price to pay, at the end of last year I was completely wiped out! Having time over the summer to process my life and come up with a new strategy I decided to put my life on hold for my last year of college and give my all to the course. My main reason for this is because I could not bear to not have the top grades I know I am capable of. Unfortunately in this process I have put who I am on a shelf, and clearly forgotten where the shelf is. This caused a lot of strain and emotional pain as I could not find the meaning of anything that I have been doing. As my different units have been slowly closing in January and February I realised how they have been ruling my life. Everything I did over the last two years including my holidays in different countries have all been for the sake of my course. As things are finishing and I am slowly cutting away the bounds that I let myself be put into. I am rediscovering who I am. What am I passionate about? What do I love? What do I want to change? What do I want to do with my life?

Well actually surprisingly after six months of repeatedly asking myself these questions I came to some conclusions. My realisations have often been helped on by events in my life, which have not always been enjoyable. I am a creative person with a huge vision and I want to have an impact on this world. Therefore I decided that I am going to be a deisnger. The arts are one of my passions an they are hit hard by lack of care and funding. People do not see arts as life giving, which I think is a huge mistake. Because yes they are not necessary for our survival. But is life really only about surviving? I do not want to survive. I want to live! As this has hit me, I have been looking around me and seeing that majority of the people are only surviving. People are passive, they do not care, they go to work they come home, they drink at the weekends and that is all. We have such resources at our finger tips yet it seems as though the technology has dumbed our senses. We loose our creativity. By refusing to care, which is a self preservation after all, we are refusing to live.

What I am seeing in the world is a lot of people, who have needs which are not met. People who are not loved, they do not see their identity and think themselves insignificant. This sends us running to those little devices hiding in our pockets. I do not think people have ever been so disconnected from the world they live in. Convinience seems to have taken away our humanity. We are not in touch with the world we live in, we for majority of the time do not know, or even see the people we live with. How many students and young adults live in flat shares and never see their flatmates, let alone know them? How many families live like that? Not knowing themselves, or each other, not even seeing each other. It is terrifying. As we become more aware of these issues we can do something about it.

It is the little things that make a huge difference! The most obvious example which jumps out at me from every shop I go to is self checkout. I avoid it wherever possible, as to me it  looks like jobs being taken away from people. The fact that you go to a shop and you do not have to speak to another person. I mean you do not even have to go out to shop with online shopping. I think it is very unhealthy. We need to see other people and speak to them and those little conversations you have with your checkout attendant can make a huge difference on either side.

I am fed up of surviving, plodding along life and letting things happen to me. This is not what I am meant for, this is not what any of us are meant for. Trying to survive and be as happy as we can while doing so is not living. We are meant for life! This means taking a few risks, being adventurous or plan everything, everyone is different. But risks are necessary, without them we will never learn. If we do not learn, we do not contribute to the society, the whole world will become stagnant and then what is the whole point we might as well all just die because clearly nothing would every change. All this lead me to the realisation of how important it is to make a statement. To have people either love or hate you because pleasing everyone is impossible and pleasing the majority is not life changing. Shine or burn but don’t just sit there waiting for life to happen to you. You are a powerful person, who is able to make decisions and yes they will not always be great but for a fear of failing never trying is just worse. Life does not happen to us we chose it. So chose wisely and remember what is your core, what do you care about? We are all different and we need these differences to keep the world in balance. Embrace your imperfections and work towards excellence, in whatever you do, love and hate, just do not be passive.

Spring is in the Air

Though I really like all of the four seasons, and whenever I think about each individual one I love them all. I keep saying that I do not have a favourite season, but really I should just face the truth, because I do! Spring! There is nothing that excites me more than the days getting longer after several months of living in darkness, because really 9am to 3pm is not a day. The leaves start budding on the trees and smell of oxygen fills the air. Flowers poke their little heads through the hard ground, creating such brightness and happiness in our streets! Blossoms appear on the trees and making it rain pink. Daffodils surround us and grow on every bit of grass there is! Oh and sun, it comes and the warmth is so significant to the cool long shadows which are still lurking around. With every spring there is a new breath of life within me and my positivity levels spike as I want to do everything. The possibilities which lie in the year ahead are endless. Finally the outside can be used again as there is no need to rush home to get out of the freezing rain and howling wind. Wandering through the streets, sitting in the park watching the world go by. Suddenly there is no guilt in spending the whole day doing nothing because lying in the sun is always an activity worth doing! The dreams of long days and evenings bathed in the setting sun are just round the corner. The excitement of summer and holiday planing is on all the lips. With spring comes this change of attitude, life is worth living again! That is definitely how I feel. I know very well that letting the weather and other outside factors affect your mood is not a healthy thing to do. Yet when they inject you with such positivity, gayety and excitement why would you suppress those feelings? Even though I am writing this from my couch, covered by blankets and looking at the freezing rain outside. I am still filled by the excitement of spring, even though today it is only in my head!

Is time speeding up?

Every year it feels like time is going faster, I am curious if it is only our perception, or it seems like this as we are getting older. As time passes the years pile up and so each year becomes a smaller portion of our life than the year before. Or are we all so busy and preoccupied with life that we loose track of time and it all just blends into one?

Yet for some reason each day feels long and distinguished and this is what is confusing me. A couple of years ago when I was working full time it felt like my days were rather long. To the extend that actually I thought one day was actually two. If someone asked me what I did I would be so confused and could not believe that I have done so much in one day.

It does not quite feel like that. I just had an assessment the burden of that unit is lifted of my shoulders therefore I feel light and disorientated and I want to enjoy that feeling instead of keep working on my other units. I can not imagine what it will feel like when I will actually finish my course. Oh, it is just crazy!

The Age of Creativity

I like giving years names, they are not human names though, usually they are titles, or more like a chapter title, since we live through many. Sometimes the title that I decide on are solely related to me and what is happening in my life. It took me eight days to realise what this year is going to be about. I do not feel like this is something just for me, I feel like it is for a wider audience, which is why it is up here and not in my personal journal.

Today when I have been praying and meditating I finally saw Gods vision for this year. Now it might not be for everybody but I think it is for a lot of people. I feel like this is the year of creativity. It also might stretch out for longer than one year, but this is the start. I feel like there is going to be real breakthrough for the creatives. New opportunities, ideas, and doors opening. It is going to be a very exciting year.

Now when I say creatives I do not just mean the artists, I mean everyone who is creative in some form. But I do feel like it is in majority for the artists, the people who have been creating with a passions for a long time but were unable to make a living from it, people who have ideas which are not seen, innovations, creative innovations. I feel like it is their time. It is time that we changed the order of this world. That we made it beautiful, prosperous and a good place to be living. It is not an easy task, but I feel like the ideas people have are beautiful an if we used them and worked on them and did not care about the large corporations and their money making schemes things could really change.

I am looking at the year ahead with excitement and expectancy of amazing adventures and crazy life changing experiences. This is going to be a good year!



What is my sense of purpose?

People talk about purpose, motivation and drive all the time, but I think that sometimes those labels do not include the thing that actually inspires you to live life. I think sometimes that is too focused. Myself for example? I am in love with beauty. By beauty I do not mean makeup. By beauty I mean anything and everything that is beautiful!

Beauty is a broad term, and as they say “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder”. Things I find beautiful vary immensely, anything from pretty sky, an interesting colour combination, to people, and creativity. In creativity it goes into action, the fact that someones brain thought yes this is a good thing, I will do this whether it makes sense or not. If you open your eyes you can find beauty surrounding you, in more than one way, and definitely in many that you have never noticed before. Even if you would spend one day, looking out for the things that you deem beautiful you would see how many there are. Because there is never just one thing that we think is beautiful.

My list of things that are beautiful is never ending: flowers, the sky, certain colour combinations, kind hearts, craftsmanship, creativity, expressing yourself, emotions, music, films, sacrifice. Things which I see and their beauty is so divine they bring me to tears! I romanticise beauty and life, actions and motifs. My reason for doing so is to bring more beauty into my life. It inspires me and reminds me why I am alive. The beauty that I cannot contain, that I will stand there with my arms up in the air and my heart almost hurting from the overwhelming emotion. My words will not be able to describe it and all I will do is sigh. Those moments are precious, they are like a little surprise treasure, even if they might have been planed to some degree, the effect they have on me never would have been planned. It is the view as I am walking up a mountain, a thing that I read online, the skills, time and details somebody used to create a masterpiece. I could go on, yet I could never truly express it.

Beauty is like art it does not need to have a reason, or purpose, it just makes peoples lives better. That is one of my top commandments. If the whole world would focus on making this a more beautiful place, everyone would be a lot happier. People would get a much higher satisfaction from what they would be doing, because they would have inspiring surroundings and most likely would do somehing they enjoy or are passionate about.

Pursuit of travel

As a teenager I have never experienced wanderlust. I had no idea why people were so preoccupied with travel and going to different places. It is not like I have not traveled, I have it was quite a regular part of my childhood. Especially having moved to a completely new country having no knowledge of the language I do not think I was oblivious. Yet I saw no point in it, what has changed my mind you ask? You will never guess! When I was sixteen I watched the Lion King. Now I am sure I have seen Lion King previously to that time, maybe I did not remember the storyline completely but I knew the basics, there was a lion he run away blah blah blah. Well having watched it when I was sixteen something changed. I absolutely loved did and did not understand why I have not watched it before. But more than that suddenly I had this need to go… I cannot explain it. It happened within the time it took to watch that film. My heart was leaping  with energy crying out for adventure. Though three years ago I have moved to a new city that was not the adventure my heart was longing for. It was not until April 2015 that I have tasted travel, and I wanted more! I went on an adventure to Paris with my flatmate. I chose Paris, funnily enough it was my New Year Dream that year. I always wanted to go and so I only seen fit that the first holiday that I am paying for should be one that I dreamed off. It was like a true adventure, four flights later and a night at an airport I got my first glimpse of the Eiffel tower standing in the middle of the city. The skies were so clear you could see if from miles away! We landed in Paris. Just being in the airport where everything is in French was exciting. It was April and we have been blessed with fabulous weather. We stayed outside of Paris in a studio flat, had to take the metro into Paris. We spend the days walking through the beautiful streets and purposefully getting lost. We had a night of wine drinking wine I told her all my secrets and so on. It might have only been a four day long trip, but I was hooked! Wanderlust hit me and two months later I was in Gothenburg, and then within two months in Krakow. Since then I also visited Madrid, Lithuania, Zakopane, Stockholm (which you can see above), plus some trips within the UK, though they have not been as exciting. Now my love for travel grows and I feel like I could spend my whole life entranced by the beauty of a new place.