The title says it all! I have been pondering on life a lot recently. My time in education is slowly running to its end, which could not come soon enough! Due to that terrifying yet hopeful end, I have been planing, or attempting to anyway, what I will do with my life. This lead to few very upsetting, unsettling months as I realised that actually I have no idea who I am anymore or where I am going. I am sure, you know that water needs to flow to be life giving, stagnant water becomes hazardous to the environment. Well it is the same with us. We need to keep moving, we need a vision, an aim, a goal. Otherwise we loose track of who we are, what we love, and what makes us tick.
Well I have lost track of who I am during my course. Studying theatre costume to a lot of people seems like a hobby, and yes it is something I love and enjoy yet the amount of work which is necessary is mind boggling. My education has taken over my life, I attempted to keep my social engagements and other things going, yet it was a hefty price to pay, at the end of last year I was completely wiped out! Having time over the summer to process my life and come up with a new strategy I decided to put my life on hold for my last year of college and give my all to the course. My main reason for this is because I could not bear to not have the top grades I know I am capable of. Unfortunately in this process I have put who I am on a shelf, and clearly forgotten where the shelf is. This caused a lot of strain and emotional pain as I could not find the meaning of anything that I have been doing. As my different units have been slowly closing in January and February I realised how they have been ruling my life. Everything I did over the last two years including my holidays in different countries have all been for the sake of my course. As things are finishing and I am slowly cutting away the bounds that I let myself be put into. I am rediscovering who I am. What am I passionate about? What do I love? What do I want to change? What do I want to do with my life?
Well actually surprisingly after six months of repeatedly asking myself these questions I came to some conclusions. My realisations have often been helped on by events in my life, which have not always been enjoyable. I am a creative person with a huge vision and I want to have an impact on this world. Therefore I decided that I am going to be a deisnger. The arts are one of my passions an they are hit hard by lack of care and funding. People do not see arts as life giving, which I think is a huge mistake. Because yes they are not necessary for our survival. But is life really only about surviving? I do not want to survive. I want to live! As this has hit me, I have been looking around me and seeing that majority of the people are only surviving. People are passive, they do not care, they go to work they come home, they drink at the weekends and that is all. We have such resources at our finger tips yet it seems as though the technology has dumbed our senses. We loose our creativity. By refusing to care, which is a self preservation after all, we are refusing to live.
What I am seeing in the world is a lot of people, who have needs which are not met. People who are not loved, they do not see their identity and think themselves insignificant. This sends us running to those little devices hiding in our pockets. I do not think people have ever been so disconnected from the world they live in. Convinience seems to have taken away our humanity. We are not in touch with the world we live in, we for majority of the time do not know, or even see the people we live with. How many students and young adults live in flat shares and never see their flatmates, let alone know them? How many families live like that? Not knowing themselves, or each other, not even seeing each other. It is terrifying. As we become more aware of these issues we can do something about it.
It is the little things that make a huge difference! The most obvious example which jumps out at me from every shop I go to is self checkout. I avoid it wherever possible, as to me it looks like jobs being taken away from people. The fact that you go to a shop and you do not have to speak to another person. I mean you do not even have to go out to shop with online shopping. I think it is very unhealthy. We need to see other people and speak to them and those little conversations you have with your checkout attendant can make a huge difference on either side.
I am fed up of surviving, plodding along life and letting things happen to me. This is not what I am meant for, this is not what any of us are meant for. Trying to survive and be as happy as we can while doing so is not living. We are meant for life! This means taking a few risks, being adventurous or plan everything, everyone is different. But risks are necessary, without them we will never learn. If we do not learn, we do not contribute to the society, the whole world will become stagnant and then what is the whole point we might as well all just die because clearly nothing would every change. All this lead me to the realisation of how important it is to make a statement. To have people either love or hate you because pleasing everyone is impossible and pleasing the majority is not life changing. Shine or burn but don’t just sit there waiting for life to happen to you. You are a powerful person, who is able to make decisions and yes they will not always be great but for a fear of failing never trying is just worse. Life does not happen to us we chose it. So chose wisely and remember what is your core, what do you care about? We are all different and we need these differences to keep the world in balance. Embrace your imperfections and work towards excellence, in whatever you do, love and hate, just do not be passive.